The Infertility Process

The Things I Will Miss

Telling everyone. I’ve told people I’ve been closed to when I’ve been pregnant in the past so I guess this isn’t too foreign.  But I will miss being able to tell everyone I know that Andrew and I will be having a baby, to put it on Facebook, and to get all the congratulations.

Feeling the baby move.  I’ve heard this experience described in many ways by friends.  I am grieving the thought of never having that connection with my baby.  I always looked forward to being the only one (for a while) who can feel him or her move inside my belly – like it was just me and the baby.

Andrew talking to the baby and feeling the baby move.  I have had so many images of what it would be like for Andrew to feel the baby kick for the first time.  Or, Andrew and I laying in bed while we watch our baby move in my belly and Andrew talking to my stomach.

Having a big, pregnancy belly.  I know many of my friends say that having a big belly is uncomfortable and they don’t like everyone wanting to touch their stomach.  Well, I think pregnancy bellies are absolutely beautiful and I am sad that I will never be able to have the experience of showing it off in maternity clothes and letting people touch my stomach, watching people as they feel the baby kick.

Pregnancy war stories.  This may seem crazy, but I feel lonely not being able to chime in with my own story (eventful or not) when my coworkers are sharing their experience being pregnant or delivering their baby.  Of course, I don’t want to be in pain or uncomfortable, but I just always assumed that was a part of being pregnant.

The gender reveal and baby shower. First, let me say this is not about the gifts.  And honestly, at this point, we have most of what we need. Having a baby shower to me is more about a celebration of bringing life into this world.  All my friends and family coming together to honor this blessed event. I will never get that.

Pregnancy classes and making a birthing plan. I always looked forward to getting to the point of taking these classes with Andrew.  And I am a planner – binders, sheet protectors, itineraries, colored tabs, etc. I’m sad that Andrew and I will miss out on this experience.

Breastfeeding.  I was both anxious and looking forward to this opportunity.  Anxious because I’ve heard of the frustration of babies not latching, not producing enough milk or the pain from fullness and cracked nipples.  But, I’ve also heard what a blessing it is to be able to feed your baby from your body. Sure, I won’t miss the sleepless nights of being the only one to feed the baby every 2 hours.  But, I’ll miss out on the connection and bonding that is built by breastfeeding.

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